This Domain For Sale. Contact us for more information.

Seven Deadly Types of Job Recruiters

Collect them all!

Over the course of six months in my pursuit of a new job, I have talked to recruiters on a daily basis. I have communicated with or have been contacted by at least 100 recruiters. While there are a few good ones out there, I've found that the majority of them are just plain odd. I have put the most notorious oddballs into categories to help you decide which type you are dealing with. Unfortunately, I speak from personal experience and I have crossed paths with all of these types. If the recruiter you're dealing with exhibits any of the characteristics below...run!

1. The Broken English Speaking Recruiter

Characteristics:

Leaves unintelligible messages on your machine in broken or heavily accented English.

Sends e-mails to you that read something to the effect of "Send please resume to my convenience regarding job employment of excellence!"

Cannot pronounce your very common American name when calling for you.

If you get this recruiter:

Have some fun. Pretend you don't speak English either.

If you are this recruiter:

Come on! You can barely speak English, you can't pronounce my name and you can't leave an intelligible message on my machine. I know you're trying to work but so am I! Do you really think I am going to agree to let you represent me?

2. The Short Attention Span Recruiter

Characteristics:

Sends you an e-mail that doesn't contain any information about the job only that it looks like "a fit".

Draws a complete blank about which job she called you for when you return her call.

Does not introduce himself in his first e-mail to you.

Calls you by three different names in your first conversation.

Sends you leads on a job that has nothing to do with your qualifications.

Leaves a message for you about a job on your machine. Redials your number and leaves a similar message about the same exact job but addresses you by someone else's name.

If you get this recruiter:

Don't bother replying to his e-mails or phone calls. When he calls back say, "Who are you and what did you want again?"

If you are this recruiter:

Dude, drink some Red Bull, pinch yourself hard or do some jumping jacks?just pay attention for crying out loud! We're not that desperate.

3. The Pushy Job Salesman Recruiter

Characteristics:

Tries to talk you into a job that has a commute of over an hour.

Tries to talk you into a lower paying job because it is "such a great opportunity for you".

Sends you short, bossy e-mails (usually in all caps) telling you (not asking you) to call him "ASAP".

Calls you before 8 A.M.

Tries to convinces you that the salary you are looking for is available for the position he has to offer if you work 50 hours a week because "the overtime pay will put you right about where you want to be".

Treats you as if you are desperate and wasting his time.

When he addresses you he shortens your name to what people used to call you when you were 10.

If you get this recruiter:

Chin up! Put your foot down and don't let him talk you into anything that isn't right for you. When addressing him, add "bo", "o-rino" or "ster" to the end of his name (as in "Jimbo", "Jim-o-rino" or "Jimster").

If you are this recruiter:

Somewhere there are a few Buick dealerships that desperately need you.

4. The Distracted Recruiter

Characteristics:

Interrupts both you and herself to yell at her kids or her dogs in the background without excusing herself or asking you to hold on.

Asks you to call his cell phone and proceeds to talk business with you while he is eating, driving or standing in line at Burger King.

Sends you e-mails with cryptic or vague subject lines such as "Question about 9955", "Looking?", or "QQ re u frm John Smith".

Continually loses her train of thought when discussing an "open position" with you.

Asks you what type of job you are looking for and then asks you again ten minutes later as if she never asked you in the first place.

Calls you in the morning when you told her several times that the best time to reach you was "after 3".

If you get this recruiter:

Interrupt her to scream "No?wire?hangers!" at your imaginary children or dogs and then say sweetly, "I'm sorry, they just never listen". Forget it. You'll have better luck with your 3 year old son as your recruiter.

If you are this recruiter:

Never mind. You probably aren't still reading this by now anyway.

5. The Stalker

Characteristics:

Calls 10 times a day and does not leave a message, but hangs up 30 seconds into the answering machine message.

E-mails you or leaves a message asking for an explanation as to why you won't call him back.

E-mails you after you have turned down a position several times to inform you that is still open.

Adds you to his weekly e-mail distribution list.

Calls you every day since he first contacted you "just to touch base".

Says things like "I am really getting sick of you ignoring my calls".

If you get this recruiter:

Yikes. Tread lightly. Don't answer the phone. If you have to, lie and tell him you are no longer in the market because you are moving or have taken another job. If that doesn't do the trick, work it into the conversation that you carry a firearm with you at all times.

If you are this recruiter:

For the record, the author of this article is a huge burly easily aggravated man who lives in Nova Scotia and carves whalebones for a living.

6. The Unscrupulous Recruiter

Characteristics:

Asks for the numbers of your friends and co-workers so that he can recruit them too.

Tells you a contract is for eight weeks when it is for four.

E-mails you a blank organization chart template and asks you to fill in the names of your managers and their managers.

Says he can get you the rate or salary you are looking for but when it comes time to sign on, backs down and swears he told you he "might possibly be able to".

If you get this recruiter:

Give him an inch and you've given him a mile. Be tight lipped. If you want to have some fun, with all the seriousness you can muster, send him his organization chart back with God at the top, your mother second and you third.

If you are this recruiter:

Hey slime ball?Richard Nixon called. He wants his M.O. back.

7. The Ridiculously Overbearing Recruiter

Characteristics:

Insists that you to drive over an hour away to her office just so she can "meet you and say 'Hi'".

Excitedly calls you "honey" and talks to you as if you've been friends all your lives.

Passes the phone around to all her recruiting coworkers (whom you've never met) so that they each can congratulate you on your new job.

Calls you every day for the first week on your new job to "chat about how things are going".

Updates your resume "to make it better" without your permission before she sends it out.

If you get this recruiter:

Be a mirror. Be just as overbearing and call her "honey" right back. When she calls you each day say "Wow! This is really weird, honey, I was just picking up the phone to call YOU!" Scan in her business card, touch it up to "make it better" and send it back to her.

If you are this recruiter:

Take a bath, a deep breath, a bottle of chill pills and calm the heck down. Seriously.

Alotta Candor is a staff writer and commentator for JobSchmob.com, the "lighter" side of the working world. She is proud to be a liberated ex-corporate office worker.

http://www.JobSchmob.com

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Careers & Employment Information:

Are You Sabotaging Your Career?
My experience working with thousands of leaders world wide for the past two decades teaches me that most leaders are screwing up their careers.On a daily basis, these leaders are getting the wrong results or the right results in the wrong ways.

Job Search Secret #1
The job search secret that is so powerful it will blow your socks off is simple - if you think you want or need a Career Change all you have to do is understand this Job Search Secret:It's simple - Change your Thinking.When you're looking for the new job or career move it's easy to think that 'they' hold all the cards.

Career Success: Get Ahead of the Crowd
Regardless of where you open your briefcase or palm pilot each day - at a large corporation, a small business or the end of your dining room table - the key to staying employable the rest of your life is your own creative action. The person who is going to be successful is not going to succeed just because of good work.

Ideal Job and Handling Criticism
How many times have you been asked, "What is your dream job?"Even if you document a dream job on paper, will you be happy every day in that job? Unlikely. Heck, you could work in your dream job for two different companies and end up being happy in one and miserable in the other.

Get A New Job - Career Choices
Career change is tough but rewardingThere are a number of reasons why people might be due for a career change:? They don't like their current career. Maybe they took the job because they needed money at the time and it was the only work they could find to pay the bills.

Jobseekers! Look For Smoke, Not Fire
"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always received," said some wise person. This is certainly true when it comes to job-hunting, especially during a "sucky" economy.

5 Resume Mistakes Telecommuters Often Make
Finding a legit telecommute job can be difficult. Telecommute jobs are in high demand and hundreds if not thousands of other people are competing for the same position.

Should I leave My Job?
Most of us have to work for a living. Since we spend so many hours each week at our jobs, it's very important that there is a good fit.

Active Listening Skill Tips for Interviews
During a job interview, a potential employer asks, "Can you take on more than one project at a time?" If you respond, "Yes," you may want to rethink that answer. According to Dynamic Listening: Interview Skills, a computer based training module from Mindleaders in Columbus, Ohio, you should avoid one-word or one-sentence answers.

Defining Success Your Way!
In my career advising practice, I often find that my clients are not clear about what success means for them. Our society defines success primarily around three elements: power, money and fame.

Planning To Work Abroad
Working abroad can be an exciting, rewarding and horizon broadening experience; and if you take the time to plan ahead carefully before you go, you will make your transition into the overseas work place a smooth and successful one.So, if you're considering relocating overseas to take up a temporary assignment or you'd like to move abroad permanently and find work there are basically three main aspects of expatriation that you need to think about before you make your move and this article examines them for you.

Where Did All The Farmers Go?
Several times a year, I hear someone complain about the development of farm land in our area. These complainers consider it a crime that so much of our farm land has been converted to housing, business, shopping, etc.

Why Well Produced Career Portfolios Are Replacing CVs
What is a Career Portfolio?The original portfolio used by artists looking for work was simply a collection of works demonstrative of the artists style and ability. Because their works varied in size and shape, portfolios came in all sizes and shapes.

Surviving Office Politics
It's your first month in a new position and it's rougher going than you'd anticipated. You feel like an outsider and you're miserable.

What is a Career Anyway?
A career is the sum total of all of your work-related contributions to society in a lifetime. This includes time and effort spent to provide goods, services, or benefit to others.

Careers-Changing Jobs: The Fantasy of the Ideal Job
Most people would agree that the concept of a job today is vastly different from that of 20 years ago. Organisations are changing at speed, technology has changed the face and pace of work, and globalisation is pushing every business to examine it's operations in a totally different context.

Great Salary Negotiation Tips
11 Commandments For Smart Negotiating1 - BE PREPARED. The more information you have about your market value and theprospective employer, the greater your likelihood of success.

Yesterdays Hero
Wonder Woman makes it looks so easy. She gets up every morning, fights the good fight, calls it a day, and starts the whole process all over again.

Overcoming Inertia in Job Change
If you can hold on to an optimistic belief in the possibility of success, you have a very powerful motivator of change. But not everyone can, or will need help to do that as some are naturally more optimistic than others.

Lost Your Job? Ten Ways to Bounce Back!
Whether you've been right-sized, downsized, underutilized, or just plain fired, looking for work is a life-changing experience that rocks your world. Regain your equilibrium with these ten strategies and get back to being your best.