The expense was substantial. An immersion workshop with twelve participants sharing a common goal to hone their skills. With nervous eagerness like kindergarteners embracing school, we received input, critique, and suggestions about our work. Some of the feedback I used. Some of it I didn't. But all of it was helpful.

I haven't always viewed feedback that way. At times in my career, I've taken it more like a personal indictment than a helpful gauge; an intruder I needed to defend against, rather than input I needed to evaluate. I've even found myself akin to a workshop colleague who said he wanted input, but when he got responses different from what he expected, he argued and debated and explained. What he wanted was praise or input he agreed with, not honest reactions.

You see it's not enough to ask for feedback. You have to be open to receive it. After three days of our colleague's defensiveness, any willingness to offer anything but cursory input was stomped out. His argumentative actions lost him an opportunity for connection with fresh voices and new input. And we lost an opportunity to practice giving helpful feedback with authentic insights and thoughtful reflection.

I learned a painful lesson about seeking feedback in my first management position. Given a large assignment, I was proud of what I produced, certain it would be received as an outstanding product. Instead I discovered my work was mediocre at best and significantly flawed because I failed to seek feedback and assessment from the end users along the way. Relying only on my own thoughts and perceptions was a big mistake.